Excerpt from the novel, “The Boy Next Door: A Jamaican Teenage Love Story”

THE BOY NEXT DOOR: A JAMAICAN TEENAGE LOVE STORY was written in 1997 by Mandisa M. Parnell and was finally published on July 31, 2014.

cover (1)

This, the very first authentically Jamaican teen romance novel, is available for purchase from Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/The-Next-Door-Mandisa-Parnell/dp/1628576928 in both eBook and paperback as well as through all major online distributors. If you are in Jamaica, feel free to contact the author on 1-876-445-7279.

Learn more about THE BOY NEXT DOOR at http://www.jamaicanboynextdoor.com

Here is a sample now:




CHO! Blouse an’ skirt!
Noelle hissed her teeth in frustration and sent her Mathematics textbook flying through the air! It sailed across her bedroom, landed with a thud against the concrete wall and fell heavily onto the carpet-covered floor.

Noelle rose swiftly from her desk, snapping off the switch on the desk-lamp and causing the chair to fall over backwards. Disregarding both chair and book, she flounced over to the window and threw it open. She inhaled several gulps of the fresh night air, savouring the feeling as the motion filled her lungs. She had only spoken to Ryan Reece on three occasions and already it seemed that he had imprinted himself on her mind, heart and soul. No matter how hard she tried, she just could not get him out of her head. It was an impossible feat!

She had not been the same since their encounter at The Wardrobe a few days earlier. After he had walked out of the store, Noelle had drifted off into uncontrollable daydreaming with Ryan starring as her Prince Charming upon a white steed. And, at closing time, when all the employees were leaving the store, she had walked face-first into the glass door after forgetting to open it. Her co-workers had gotten a good laugh at her expense and to make matters worse, she had gotten a “coco” – a bump, the size of a pebble just below the hairline, to show for it. She had been making a concerted effort to avoid him at school thereafter.

For the last three days, Noelle had found herself looking left and right over her shoulders whenever she visited her locker. Then, it had dawned on her that he wore a white uniform shirt so it was evident that he was in the upper school; boys in the lower school wore full khaki suits. She had investigated, nonetheless, and had been happy to confirm that he was indeed a member of the Twelfth Grade population. That meant that his classes were housed on another block which was comforting; she would not have to worry about running into him in her building. But, as a precautionary measure, she began to avoid the cafeteria, resorting to eating lunch outside on the quadrangle instead.

When Danielle mentioned that Ryan was trying out for the Track Team, she stopped walking past the playfield at certain hours of the day. This was done to great inconvenience to herself as her Form Room was situated just beyond the field and she had to walk the long way around to get to class but she remained steadfast. Come hell or high water, she was determined to conquer the disturbing attraction to Ryan Reece. The number one strategy, in a situation like this, had to be having minimal contact with the object of the unwanted feelings. Noelle reasoned that such a tactic must have proven successful a time or two since a great man or woman had coined the phrase: “Out of sight, out of mind!”

So then, why was she still thinking about the boy constantly?

She could not even close her eyes for a nap anymore. Ryan Reece and his haunting green eyes were there taunting her every time she tried. She had been unable to sleep for the last couple nights and she was afraid of the prospect of things being no different that night. Ryan Reece seemed to be there – like a duppy sitting on her shoulders – twenty-four/seven.

Face it, girl! She admitted grudgingly to herself. Danielle is right…YUH LIKE HIM!

Standing by her window, staring down at the garden and Trisha’s one-time house, she felt even worst. It seemed that her life was full of nothing but misery lately. First, Trisha moved thousands of miles away to blinking America leaving her “alone and hurt”. And now, Mr. Ryan Reece and his blouse-an-skirt green eyes had stridden uninvited into her life making it impossible for her to do something as simple as homework.

She placed one hand on one trim hip and ran the other through her curls as she started to walk away from the window. A sudden movement down below caught her eye; she stopped dead in her tracks. Noelle turned back to the window; shifted the curtain.

A boy was walking up the path to the house that had once belonged to the Lees. He paused at the porch grille and fished a set of keys from his pocket. In the soft glow of the incandescent light, Noelle was able to catch a glimpse of his profile just before he inserted a key into the lock, opened the door and stepped out of her line of vision.

Her photographic brain had memorized everything about Ryan – including the sideways view of him. She had never before seen anyone, especially someone Black, with a nose like that. She guessed that was yet another physical attribute he must have inherited from the Caucasian side of his family. And, now she had seen, or thought she had seen, that same nose on that guy!

She shook her head and winced in self-pity. She had to be paranoid. Ryan Reece was making her paranoid!

Lordy, lordy! She thought, closing the window and traipsing to her bed. Now I’m imagining that the fool-fool bwoy lives next door! Mi really pathetic.

* * *

Copyright © 2014 Mandisa M. Parnell. All rights reserved.


Is Romance Devolving?—50 Shades vs. No One Puts Baby in a Corner

Join in the debate!

Kristen Lamb's Blog

Image courtesy of Lisa Weidmeier WANA Commons. Image courtesy of Lisa Weidmeier WANA Commons.

I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to go here, but alas, here we are. Today, 50 Shades of Grey the MOVIE will open for…*record screech* Valentine’s Day. Nothing says I love you like predatory emotional manipulation, sociopathy, abuse and non-consensual sex acts.

Find THAT on a Hallmark card.

And yes, I know there have been other kinky books like this, but 50 Shades sold over 100 million copies and the movie (despite ZERO plot) is expected to gross in excess of $60 million which means I just threw up a little in my mouth this “story” has tipped from fringe to mainstream and that scares me more than a little bit.

No, I didn’t read the book. I don’t need to. Nor do I need to watch gang-rape prison porn to know it probably is unhealthy for the future of women (or even men)…

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Should Authors Write Bad Book Reviews?

Such true words of wisdom. And definitely a word to the wise.

Kristen Lamb's Blog

Screen Shot 2013-02-12 at 8.07.41 AM BOOM!

Okay, yesterday we had a little bit of a debate about leaving book reviews. First of all, the post is to warn you of the dangers of posting bad reviews as an author. Does it mean you can’t? No. Can you tweet while drinking and listening to LinkinPark? Yes, but you do so at your own risk. Same here. I am not the social media gestapo, but I am here to warn you of the hazards that are REAL.

We Never Know Who People Know

I once commented offhandedly to an acquaintance about a book I was reading. I wasn’t nasty, I just mentioned that I found it confusing and the dream sequences were messing me up. I also added that it could be me. I WAS seven-months pregnant, so I added the caveat that it could just be Baby Brain.

Little did I know the acquaintance was…

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10 Things Every Romance Writer Should Have! – #Romance15

Wanna be a good writer, make sure you do these things.
Not a writer? Wanna know how writers act and behave? Need a clue as to what makes us tick? Check this out!

romance festival

It might sound ridiculous but a love of the romance genre is totally essential for us romantic authors!

In all its fabulous, historical, bodice-ripping, sensual and funny glory, romantic novels have always and will always be my favourite read.

But apart from an obvious addiction to romantic books, what else should a romance writer have?

Here’s 10 suggestions from me….

  1. A fascination with people. My Husband is always commenting on how closely I watch and listen to others. It’s amazing what inspiration you can find when you pay attention.
  2. Enjoyment of romantic comedy films/TV. Again, snuggling up in front of your favourite romcom can trigger all sorts of ideas and inspiration.
  3. A love of music. I always have to have the radio on when I’m writing at home or I deliberately choose a coffee shop which plays good sounds. Listening to haunting vocals and beautiful lyrics seems to help me…

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5 Things I Have Learnt From Writing My Debut Novel – Julie Stock #Romance15

Advice all writers can surely benefit from.

romance festival

Julie Stock

Now the euphoria of having finished my debut novel From Here to Nashville has died down a little, I have no more excuses to stop me from starting the rewrite of book two. Just so you know, this is the book that I wrote for National Novel Writing Month 2013, yes, nearly 14 months ago! After NaNoWriMo and a few more writing chunks some months later, it stood at 80,000 words. Not bad for a first draft, I hear you cry!

However, when I got to that point and read it all through, I could see that the story had veered off in the wrong direction and that I was really going to have my work cut out to get it back on track. So it has been really easy to put off doing anything to move book two forward, especially as I’ve been so busy with finishing my first novel and getting…

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Excerpt #4 – “Jaded: Restoration”

girl cries

Jaded: Restoration

“Ah still can’t believe that Damian did this to mi, Miri!”  Hours had passed and Miriam remained with her.  Her head was resting in Miriam’s lap as the other girl combed her hair affectionately.  Miriam had convinced her to take a bath and it had done wonders for her jaded body.  Then, her best friend had boiled a pot of Jade’s favourite Foska Oats with cinnamon leaves, sweetened with Betty condensed milk, nutmeg and vanilla and the tantalizing aroma had tickled her nostrils, stirring up a hunger she had not realized was there.  She had drunk three steaming bowls with Exelsior tough crackers on the side before racing to the bathroom to bring it all back up.

When she had seen the concerned, tearful expression on Miriam’s face as she mopped her forehead with a wet rag and flushed the evidence of her condition down the sewer, Jade had realized that she owed her the truth.

“Damian raped mi, Miriam! He raped mi!”

It was a lucky thing that Miriam was a big-boned girl.  When Jade had broken down once more, she had picked her up and taken her back to bed.  “Ah cyan believe im did this to mi…what did I do to deserve this? All ah did was love im…an’ ah thought he loved me! Miriam, he always treat mi so good…”

Miriam shook her head as Jade dissolved into tears one more time.

“When did this happen, Jade?”

“The night before ma birthday, Miriam…yuh can believe it? The night before ma twentieth birthday!” She started bawling again and Miriam wiped away the snot that bubbled forth from one nostril.

She remembered that day all too well…



I was in the back yard in the middle of washing that morning when ah heard the excited banging of the grille gate.  Rex’s equally excited welcome bark and Jade’s cheerful: “What’s up, Sexy-Rexy!”

They came around the side of the house together.  Rex’s doggy lips spread wide in a grin as his shaggy German Shepherd tail beat a hundred beats per second as he trotted along beside her; Jade’s beauty queen smile brighter than the rays of the afternoon sun.  Rex had been one of her many Christmas presents to me but people always said the dog belonged to Jade cause they love each other so much.

“W’happen, Miri?”

I stopped and wiped my hands on the hem of my t-shirt and gave her a quick hug.  “Is how you a smile soh?” Jade was always smiling but the smile was extra-bright that day.  Knowing her, it had to be something plus she never usually wake up soh early on a Saturday morning…soh I knew there was something she was dyin’ to tell mi.


“Really? You get up outta your bed before seven o’clock on a weekend an’ walk come all the way up here to tell me ‘nothing’?”

She looked at me with a mischievous glint in her puss-eyes and started rocking from side to side like a likkle Basic School chile.  “Why mi can’t keep any secret from you, Miriam Johnson?”

“Cause I’m yuh best friend…what’s wrong wid yuh! Tell mi what yuh come to tell mi before mi burst nuh man!”

She took my hand and dragged me over to the makeshift wooden bench underneath the lime tree.  “Ssshhhhh…Miss Madgie deh here?”

“Mummy gone a market long time, man! Just talk!”

She looked in all directions like the drama-queen she was before she sat down and took a deep breath.  “Damian is taking me on a special date for my birthday!” Then, she squealed.

Now, Jade was my best friend from we were in Grade One; she knew me well and I knew her even better.  I didn’t keep it secret that ah didn’t like her “boyfriend”.  First of all, I thought he was too old for her, whole a thirty! Secondly, him was a police an him carry a gun soh ah didn’t like when she was around him by herself.  Next thing, one day when the two of us went out with him, Jade went to the restroom an’ him never do nothing more than put words to mi! Bout how im love mi Coca-Cola bokkle shape an mi pretty black skin an what an’ what him woulda do to mi if mi mek him hol’ mi!

I was disgusted cause I’m a Christian and I knew that he knew and he never had no right to talk to mi like that.  But ah didn’t tell Jade…ah didn’t want her to feel any way.  An’ the most important reason why I couldn’t stand that man was the fact that Jade stop come church from shi meet him! Shi backslide! Because a him!

She was so busy rubbing down Rex an’ going on an’ on about Damian’s plans for her that she never even noticed how I was looking at her.  Since Jade met Damian shi bruk out! Shi started wearing makeup an’ flashy jewellery an’ sexy, expensive clothes and false fingernail an’ always have whole heap a money fi spend.  She seh is him give har all of those things.  An’ I was worried cause ah didn’t trust im.  Mi did just have a feeling dat him was going to want something in return…

“He’s going to take mi to a fancy Chinese restaurant then –”

“An then him going to carry yuh to him house an’ have sex wid yuh!” I interrupted her.

I shocked her; the stroking hand froze on Rex’s back.  She turned her gaze on me and I saw the hurt reflected in her light-brown eyes. “No!” she finally spat out.   “No!”

I nodded satisfied.  “Soh him ever bring sex argument to yuh?”

Her smooth forehead knit up an’ shi turn red.  “NO!” she almost shouted and Rex’s head whipped back to look up at her.  She saw the serious look on my face and bit her bottom lip; that meant she was uncomfortable.  “No! Damian loves mi.  He knows that I’m a virgin and he doesn’t rush mi.  All we do is kiss an’ hug…”

“That’s all…Kiss an’ hug! Yuh too lie!”

She made the sign of the cross an kissed it before turning her eyes to the sky.  “God believe mi…thunder roll an bruk mi neck if a lie mi a tell!”

I believed her then; Christian children always told the truth when they said that.  But, I was still getting a feeling in the bottom of ma stomach like something bad was going to happen.  I felt an overwhelming need to warn my best friend.

“Jade, you know you’re my best friend, right?”

She nodded.

“And, ah love yuh like a sister…an ah don’t want nothing bad to happen to yuh…”

She nodded.

“The Spirit tellin’ mi dat something is not right about Damian –”

“Damian is great, Miriam.  Him treat mi good!”

“Yes! I know.  But most times when a man spend pon a girl like how him spend pon you, him always expect har to have sex with him…”

“But, Damian is different, Miri! I have him wrapped around my little finger…him do whatever ah tell him to duh…an’ a tell him that ah don’t believe in sex before marriage an’ he understands.  He’s like putty in my hands, Miriam! Trust mi, I’m in control of his strings…I run things! Don’t worry yuhself, man!”

I was shaking my head with every word she said; she was so naïve.  Such a brilliant girl and so stupid! She had been going out with him for six months and him spend a ridiculous amount a money on her; him all put har up inna boasty apartment!  People laugh an’ call im “Bups” behind dem back…I was just afraid that him was going to get fed up sooner or later and do something terrible.  But, she couldn’t see it…she was so blinded by the glamour an’ the glitter.  Still, I had to speak and I did.  I felt an anointing come over me as Jesus told mi to warn her.  When shi left my yard, she was crying and saying that, is jealous mi jealous cause nuh man nuh want mi…


and Rex was whimpering after her.  He followed her to the gate and tried to run out on the road behind her and when ah hold onto him he whimpered even harder.  His behavior plus the cold bumps running all over mi skin, tell mi that something bad was going to happen…ah just never sure what…


Copyright © 2013 Mandisa M. Parnell

Excerpt #3 – Jaded: Restoration

Dear Readers;

It has been quite sometime since I posted any stories for you to read. Almost one year, to be exact. I was browsing through and realized that I had started sharing my Work-in-progress, “Jaded: Restoration” and just stopped BRAPS at episode 2. Allow me to apologise for leaving you hanging. Please forgive me. 

Now, do continue.

If you are visiting the blog for the first time, be sure to peruse the prior posts and read Excerpts 1 and 2 before you embark on this particular post. And, remember – do not hesitate to leave comments, like and SHARE.

Happy reading!


Jaded: Restoration

Bulimic young african woman forcing herself to vomit


She clutched the porcelain rim of the toilet and spat one final time into its depths.  Raising her head, she turned towards the persistent cries forcing their way into the small self-contained Constant Spring Road apartment.  Jade wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and rose gingerly from the bathroom floor as the thunderous pounding began.


“JADE! Open up! Wi know that you’re in there!”

The voice belonged to Miriam, her one-time church sister and best friend.

Cold-sweat washed Jade as she staggered towards the door, swiping frustratedly at her forehead.  For two weeks straight she had been retching the non-existent contents of an empty stomach.  No longer could she live in denial; not only had the Devil left his imprint on her mind, body and soul, he had also planted an unwanted seed deep within her womb.

“JADE! Come on, girl! Open up, nuh man!” Worry coloured Miriam’s tone as her pitch grew in intensity.  “Jade! We are worried about yuh! Wi just want to mek sure that yuh awright!”

She did not feel the coldness of the tiles under her bare feet as she stumbled back to the couch…sometimes she felt like she didn’t want to be in that place anymore.  It had been the Devil who had secured it for her; he who had paid the Landlord eight whole months’ rent up front.  At the time she had felt lucky that this man loved her so much.  Now, the bitter bile in her throat told her that he had just done it to buy her love.  Six months ago the small, state-of-the-art apartment in the upscale neighbourhood had felt like a palace, an escape from the confines of her mother’s nest.  Now, it was only a cage; and, she a trapped bird.


Jade lowered her aching body onto the overstuffed sofa, wincing under her breath as the pain in the pit of her stomach lashed her.  She knew she needed to see a doctor and yet she had not.  Shame was her new best friend.  She knew she should have gone to the police and yet she had not…the Son of Satan had threatened to kill her if she did.  Besides, he was the police! How could she ask the police to protect her from the police.  And, anyway, why would they believe her over an upstanding colleague?  It would have been her word against his.  No, she had decided to suffer in silence.  Nobody had to know.

It took a few minutes for her to process the sudden silence that rang throughout the building…Miriam had grown fed-up and left…they all did.  Her mother had come, several times, in fact.  So had Sister Jones and Pastor Franklin…she knew all their voices…all she had ignored.  She did not want to see anybody not even the people who were closest to her.  She knew she would not be able to bear the sight of the scorn and the judgement on their faces and the last thing she wanted was their pity.  She didn’t need them to rescue her – where were they when that monster was taking advantage of her weakness?  She didn’t need them now…all of them could just go to friggin’ Jupiter!

And, she really did not want to talk to traitor Miriam; how would she act when she found out that she had been right about Damian all along…


The sound of a key turning in the lock jerked Jade from her cat nap; she sprung to her feet and cowered as the front door was flung open.

Miriam stopped with one hand on the doorknob and stared at her best friend crouching before the settee like a deer caught in headlights for one long second.  Her eyes could not fathom what they were seeing; her beautiful, hot-girl friend was almost unrecognizable.  The oversized Nike t-shirt was sweat-stained and dappled with what looked like fresh vomit.  Her trademark braids were coming undone on one side of her head.  Her usually radiant light-brown skin was dry; her lips chapped. Tear tracks streaked her cheeks; the beautiful puss-eyes were swollen and red.  And, even beneath the baggy garment, Miriam could see that she had lost weight.

Miriam tried to speak but her vocal cords let her down.  She let go of the door and heard it shut with a thud behind her.  She took the few steps required to close the distance between them.  “Jesus Chris, Jade! What happen to yuh?”

Jade straightened up and Miriam felt her tense as she locked her in a tight hug.  The pungent odor of sweat, mingled with vomit, mingled with bad breath assailed her but she hung on to Jade like it was Judgement Day and she was the Saviour.

“Jade! Oh, God! I’m so glad yuh okay!”

Miriam held her best friend at arm’s length after what felt like an eternity had elapsed.  Jade’s eyes were dead.  Gone was the mischievous glimmer.  The familiar twinkle was long buried.  Miriam knew instinctively that this was just a shell of Jade Brown.

Something terrible had befallen her best friend.  And, as Miriam sat her robotic, unresisting body down onto the sofa, she knew without the shadow of a doubt what that “something” was…

She slapped Jade’s cheek lightly; she was completely spaced out, staring at a spot somewhere on the wall beyond Miriam’s head.  “JADE!” Miriam shouted.  “What Damian duh to yuh, Jade?”

At the sound of the name, Jade blinked and focused on the other girl as though she was seeing her for the first time.

“Lawd God Almighty, Jade! Talk to mi nuh!”

“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain!”

Miriam was momentarily stunned by the religious utterance but when she leaned closer and peered deep into Jade’s eyes, her friend started laughing.  Miriam recoiled and stared speechless at her as she laughed, a high-pitched, unnatural cackle that was not Jade at all.  “What’s wrong with you, Jade?” she repeated, confusion knitting her brow.  “What did Damian do to you?”

At the second reference to her boyfriend, Jade’s laughter ceased instantly.  She flounced off Miriam’s hand and rose to her feet abruptly.  Turning her back to Miriam, she walked, with a slight limp, towards the bedroom.  Miriam stared openmouthed at her before jumping up and following, catching the door before Jade could shut it in her face.

Jade pouted and cut her eyes at her before moving to the unmade divan.  “How yuh get in here, Miriam?” The voice was flat and expressionless and once again Miriam marvelled at this disturbing metamorphose.

“The apartment manager lend mi the spare key!” Miriam replied, eyes taking in the untidy, musty, semi-dark room.  “What does it matter how I got in? Looks like I took drastic action just in time! Look at yuh!”

Jade looked at her like she was a cockroach crawling around on the floor and proceeded to curl up into the foetal position.  Miriam plopped down beside her, determined to get to the bottom of what was bothering her best friend.

“Jade!” When Jade’s only response was to close her eyes, Miriam hissed her teeth and gripped her shoulder indignantly.  The sudden violent reaction was appalling.


Jade’s eyes had sprang wide open and she had lept to her feet in the middle of the mattress! The eyes were wild and she was making the sign of the cross and screaming as she backed slowly into the corner.  “DON’T TOUCH ME, DEMON! BE GONE! YOU SHALL NOT HARM ME! THE BLOOD-THE-BLOOD-THE-BLOOD…”

Miriam had lept to her own feet at the unexpected outburst and was now gaping at the screaming maniac who used to be her best friend.  Though her heart was racing she remained calm.  Raising both palms in surrender, she sought to establish eye contact with the obviously disturbed girl.  “Jade,” she whispered.  “It’s me…Miriam. It’s your best friend, Jade! It’s me…Miriam!

Miriam felt the tears stinging the back of her throat as she watched Jade slowly emerge from her hysteria, sinking to a crouching position and steadily regaining her composure.  Then when she was sure that Jade had come back into herself, she walked slowly back across the room and went to sit beside her.  “Is me, Jade…is only Miriam! I’m here, girl.  Nobody can hurt yuh anymore…” She reached out one tentative arm to touch the matted hair, then lowered it to the quivering shoulder once more.  When Jade’s only response was to begin a gentle rocking motion, Miriam pulled her to her in a soothing embrace.  “I’m here, Jade…I’m here…I won’t leave yuh, girl!” Over and over, Miriam muttered comforting words as the spasms rocked her traumatized friend’s body as she weeped.


Copyright © 2013 Mandisa M. Parnell

Caveat Venditor—Five Mistakes KILLING Self-Published Authors

Very good advice!

Kristen Lamb's Blog

Rise of the Machines Human Authors in a Digital World, social media authors, Kristen Lamb, WANA, Rise of the Machines

All right, it’s about to be a brand new year and many of you are wanting to finally see your books published. ROCK ON! But, I am the friend who will tell you if there is toilet paper hanging out of your pants. Writing isn’t all glitter and unicorns and I want to warn you of the most common stumbling blocks, because I really DO want you to succeed.

When I began writing I was SO SURE agents would be fighting over my manuscript. Yeah. But after almost fourteen years in the industry, a lot of bloody noses, and even more lessons in humility, I hope that these tips will help you.

Self-publishing is AWESOME, and it’s a better fit for certain personalities and even content (um, social media?), but we must be educated before we publish. In fact, my last book Rise of the Machines (cover above) is much…

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Excerpt #2 – “Jaded: Restoration”

In the first excerpt, we met Jade and her boyfriend, Damian. Damian and Jade have been dating for six months. Damian is frustrated by the fact that Jade refuses to have sex with him. He feels robbed; used; he thinks she is taking advantage of his kindness. He makes his advances and she resists. She is a virgin who does not wish to commit fornication. Damian refuses to accept this. His sexual desire overpowers him and he takes her by force.

Read on…


Six Weeks Later

“How could the one I gave my heart to
Break my heart so bad,
How could the one who made me happy,
Make me feel so sad?”

I spring up like a jack-in-the-box as the sudden loud decibels shake the building. It’s not the potency of the sound that has awoken me from my fitful slumber; it’s the lyrics of the song…the same new Aaliyah song that I heard on Fame FM for the first time, just a couple weeks before meeting that dirty bastard! I’ve always been a fan of Soul music from I’ve known myself and ah spend a whole lot of time listening to it. Never mind that dem kinda music only mek mi feel lonely an’ desperate for companionship. I’m twenty and ah never had a boyfriend…until that piece a shit come into mi life, but somehow when ah listen to Souls, it speaks to mi an’ makes me feel special, like somebody will love mi one day.

So when I heard this song for the first time, it really touched mi although I never experienced heartbreak before…so, ah set up mi tape deck with cassette and taped it di next time ah heard it playing. An’ ah listen to it every God-sent day…it was like a prayer…morning, noon an’ night mi play it. Now mi neighbour crosses man a blast it from him cyar like im think is dem alone live inna this apartment, and it a haunt mi…

I still can’t believe I fell in love with a demon! Still can’t believe I was stupid enough to think that he was the one! Six weeks have passed since he violated me and all now ah can still feel him slamming himself inside mi! Over and over! So many times! It was like he was unleashing all of that pent-up frustration on my poor defenseless body…ah tried to fight, ah did…but ah couldn’t manage. That bastard is a trained martial arts expert, y’know. He’s a detective working for the Protective Services Division. That means that he’s a bodyguard…is Government Ministers him work with! How I could manage to fight him? Ounu tell mi…poor little me. He is three times my size…an’ when he got tired of me resisting, im knock mi out to blouse an’ skirt! One lick him gimmi inna mi throat an’ ah never know nothing after that! Then im do exactly what him did want to do to mi from the first time him si mi…that’s what di brute said when him was ripping up mi crotches! That’s what im seh…over and over and over! I was swinging in and out of consciousness…all I remember is the words he was mumbling under his breath, “Yuh know from when mi waan da pussy yah! Da sweet pussy yah…what a sweet likkle brownin, eh…sweet virgin pussy…” That chant, and the crazed, possessed look in his eyes. He didn’t even care that I was bleeding…he didn’t even care that all I did was just lie there an’ tek it!

Time heals all wounds…

HA! Is now I am certain that dat is a lie!

Every day my heart bleeds more! I lay down in this bed everyday and I struggle, struggle to understand how a man who gave mi everything, everyting…I never want for nothing! Anyting, anyting at all ah wanted, he made sure ah had it…every day mi struggle to understand how im could duh mi like this! He was the centre of my universe, yeah, you may think it sounds cliché but that’s how he made me feel about him. Him treat mi sooo tenderly; him pet an’ pamper mi an’ he was always there for mi…Soh, ah ask maself why? Why? Every day I wake I ask maself that question: How could he have morphed into such a beast in the blink of an eye? And, I question maself too…Why did he hurt me like that? Where did I go wrong? What in the world could I have done to make him turn so cold? Did he really want me that badly? If he really loved me, why couldn’t he wait til I was ready? Why? He treated me like an object – like something to shit an’ piss on…like a friggin’ toilet! God know seh im never haffi duh mi soh! Like a friggin’ bitch dawg – a soh Damian deal wid mi! Never inna my scariest nightmare did I ever imagine any man treatin’ mi like how im treat mi! Never! Ah want to mek im pay!

There’s a thin line between love and hate…

Oh, yes! Now more than ever I know that is true!

Damian Morris does not know what he has done to me! And, he has no idea what I want to do to him! I am messed up for life an’ ah want…to…mek…im…PAY! The hate that is bubbling over inside of me for that likkle dutty crobait is like venom…im don’t know! I sit here in this room every day an’ I meditate on the evil things ah want to duh to that bastard! A true im nuh know!

Ah want to fuck im up…jus like how im fuck me up! Im nuh know wha mi a tink fi duh to im…im just don’t know…

Mi waan cut out im heart…dat fuckin diseased heart an’ dice it up inna a gazillion pieces! Mi waan hang him up by im bloody balls; whip di shit outta im; cut off di weapon wha im use fi steal mi innocence! Mi waan use a pliers an’ pluck out him finger an’ im toe nail dem; pluck out im tongue, im navel, im teeth dem, im liver, im two kidney, im eyeball dem! Mi waan break every single bone inna im bumbobloodclaat body! Mi waan pay one man who have a hood like a donkey fi sodomize that dutty piece a shit man an’ ram one broomstick straight up inna im asshole! Mi waan mek im bleed just like how im mek me bleed! Mi just waan fuck im up!

Every day this is how I feel…Damian Morris don’t know wha im duh! Im mess up mi head…mi feel like mi don’t want to live anymore! It’s been six whole weeks since he took what I did not give to him and I have not eaten since…I don’t bathe since the morning I came home and spent hours in the shower scrubbing, and scrubbing and scrubbing my skin raw…and I still feel him all over mi! Ah haven’t looked into the mirror…ah don’t comb ma hair…ah don’t care how ah look, ah don’t care how ah smell…mi nuh care bout who calling – sometimes ah don’t even hear the phone ringing – sometimes I fear that he is the one who is calling. Ah don’t care that somebody keeps banging on the front door…I ignore dem til they stop…ah don’t care bout nothing nor nobody…ah don’t even care that ma period don’t come yet…