In the first excerpt, we met Jade and her boyfriend, Damian. Damian and Jade have been dating for six months. Damian is frustrated by the fact that Jade refuses to have sex with him. He feels robbed; used; he thinks she is taking advantage of his kindness. He makes his advances and she resists. She is a virgin who does not wish to commit fornication. Damian refuses to accept this. His sexual desire overpowers him and he takes her by force.
Six Weeks Later
“How could the one I gave my heart to
Break my heart so bad,
How could the one who made me happy,
Make me feel so sad?”
I spring up like a jack-in-the-box as the sudden loud decibels shake the building. It’s not the potency of the sound that has awoken me from my fitful slumber; it’s the lyrics of the song…the same new Aaliyah song that I heard on Fame FM for the first time, just a couple weeks before meeting that dirty bastard! I’ve always been a fan of Soul music from I’ve known myself and ah spend a whole lot of time listening to it. Never mind that dem kinda music only mek mi feel lonely an’ desperate for companionship. I’m twenty and ah never had a boyfriend…until that piece a shit come into mi life, but somehow when ah listen to Souls, it speaks to mi an’ makes me feel special, like somebody will love mi one day.
So when I heard this song for the first time, it really touched mi although I never experienced heartbreak before…so, ah set up mi tape deck with cassette and taped it di next time ah heard it playing. An’ ah listen to it every God-sent day…it was like a prayer…morning, noon an’ night mi play it. Now mi neighbour crosses man a blast it from him cyar like im think is dem alone live inna this apartment, and it a haunt mi…
I still can’t believe I fell in love with a demon! Still can’t believe I was stupid enough to think that he was the one! Six weeks have passed since he violated me and all now ah can still feel him slamming himself inside mi! Over and over! So many times! It was like he was unleashing all of that pent-up frustration on my poor defenseless body…ah tried to fight, ah did…but ah couldn’t manage. That bastard is a trained martial arts expert, y’know. He’s a detective working for the Protective Services Division. That means that he’s a bodyguard…is Government Ministers him work with! How I could manage to fight him? Ounu tell mi…poor little me. He is three times my size…an’ when he got tired of me resisting, im knock mi out to blouse an’ skirt! One lick him gimmi inna mi throat an’ ah never know nothing after that! Then im do exactly what him did want to do to mi from the first time him si mi…that’s what di brute said when him was ripping up mi crotches! That’s what im seh…over and over and over! I was swinging in and out of consciousness…all I remember is the words he was mumbling under his breath, “Yuh know from when mi waan da pussy yah! Da sweet pussy yah…what a sweet likkle brownin, eh…sweet virgin pussy…” That chant, and the crazed, possessed look in his eyes. He didn’t even care that I was bleeding…he didn’t even care that all I did was just lie there an’ tek it!
Time heals all wounds…
HA! Is now I am certain that dat is a lie!
Every day my heart bleeds more! I lay down in this bed everyday and I struggle, struggle to understand how a man who gave mi everything, everyting…I never want for nothing! Anyting, anyting at all ah wanted, he made sure ah had it…every day mi struggle to understand how im could duh mi like this! He was the centre of my universe, yeah, you may think it sounds cliché but that’s how he made me feel about him. Him treat mi sooo tenderly; him pet an’ pamper mi an’ he was always there for mi…Soh, ah ask maself why? Why? Every day I wake I ask maself that question: How could he have morphed into such a beast in the blink of an eye? And, I question maself too…Why did he hurt me like that? Where did I go wrong? What in the world could I have done to make him turn so cold? Did he really want me that badly? If he really loved me, why couldn’t he wait til I was ready? Why? He treated me like an object – like something to shit an’ piss on…like a friggin’ toilet! God know seh im never haffi duh mi soh! Like a friggin’ bitch dawg – a soh Damian deal wid mi! Never inna my scariest nightmare did I ever imagine any man treatin’ mi like how im treat mi! Never! Ah want to mek im pay!
There’s a thin line between love and hate…
Oh, yes! Now more than ever I know that is true!
Damian Morris does not know what he has done to me! And, he has no idea what I want to do to him! I am messed up for life an’ ah want…to…mek…im…PAY! The hate that is bubbling over inside of me for that likkle dutty crobait is like venom…im don’t know! I sit here in this room every day an’ I meditate on the evil things ah want to duh to that bastard! A true im nuh know!
Ah want to fuck im up…jus like how im fuck me up! Im nuh know wha mi a tink fi duh to im…im just don’t know…
Mi waan cut out im heart…dat fuckin diseased heart an’ dice it up inna a gazillion pieces! Mi waan hang him up by im bloody balls; whip di shit outta im; cut off di weapon wha im use fi steal mi innocence! Mi waan use a pliers an’ pluck out him finger an’ im toe nail dem; pluck out im tongue, im navel, im teeth dem, im liver, im two kidney, im eyeball dem! Mi waan break every single bone inna im bumbobloodclaat body! Mi waan pay one man who have a hood like a donkey fi sodomize that dutty piece a shit man an’ ram one broomstick straight up inna im asshole! Mi waan mek im bleed just like how im mek me bleed! Mi just waan fuck im up!
Every day this is how I feel…Damian Morris don’t know wha im duh! Im mess up mi head…mi feel like mi don’t want to live anymore! It’s been six whole weeks since he took what I did not give to him and I have not eaten since…I don’t bathe since the morning I came home and spent hours in the shower scrubbing, and scrubbing and scrubbing my skin raw…and I still feel him all over mi! Ah haven’t looked into the mirror…ah don’t comb ma hair…ah don’t care how ah look, ah don’t care how ah smell…mi nuh care bout who calling – sometimes ah don’t even hear the phone ringing – sometimes I fear that he is the one who is calling. Ah don’t care that somebody keeps banging on the front door…I ignore dem til they stop…ah don’t care bout nothing nor nobody…ah don’t even care that ma period don’t come yet…